An Australian model facing drugs charges in Indonesia has wished her heart would just stop beating during her time behind bars in Bali.
Michelle Leslie, 24, faces up to 15 years' jail if found guilty of possession of two ecstasy tablets following her arrest in Bali in August.
Leslie said she was struggling to cope with the stress of imprisonment and at times she wished the ground would just open up and swallow her.
"I know, at moments, I have sat there and it's been so horrible that you just wish your heart would stop beating...," she told the Seven Network.
"I've never thought in my life that I would ever feel like that, but the pressure and the stress and the trauma - you are just sitting there and ... you can't cope with it, you know?"
But support from her millionaire fiance, Sydney car dealership heir Scott Sutton, acts as a counter to the dark times when Leslie questions if she will survive.
"I adore him, he's been absolutely beautiful through this whole thing, so supportive and loving, he's just been amazing," Leslie said.
And plans for their wedding help invigorate her spirit.
"My mum was actually picking wedding outfits for us the other day," Leslie said during the interview recorded inside the prison.
The atmosphere behind bars is "crazy 24-hours-a-day", Leslie said, and squat toilets and cold water bucket baths are testing her endurance.
"You just pray you don't wee on your feet," she said.
The language barrier compounds her confusion and her angst is worsened because she has nobody she can communicate with, except in prayer to God, she said.
Leslie converted to Islam a year before her arrest and has been wearing traditional Muslim dress since her imprisonment.
"I don't think anybody can pass judgment because for me, one of the lessons I've really learnt is that I can never really judge another person until you have walked in that person's shoes," Leslie said.
She said her "heart bleeds" for fellow Australian inmates, including convicted drug smuggler Schapelle Corby and the so-called Bali Nine, who could face the death penalty if convicted on drug charges.
"I can't even fathom how they must feel," Leslie said.
The former model said she can't bring herself to kill the cockroaches and mosquitoes that invade her cell.
"It's weird ... because I know how it feels to have you life taken away from you."
No date has yet been set for her trial.